Day 5

Slow, rough day. Freaked myself out greatly about the election as well as an abstract due tomorrow for a presentation on the sublime to be given, in my voice, next Monday. Woke up, went to school, didn't talk to or see anyone for most of the day, and generally looked like this. 

I spend way too much time here. It's almost like the school has given its full endorsement towards my silence, in giving me free internet, and a private room with a door. 
I'm taking my cues from the drawings lining the halls, which I've been looking at a lot lately. 


Why is it so difficult to concentrate? Why can't I sleep at night when I'm so obviously exhausted? Why can't I stay awake during the day?
I've said it before and I'll say it again -- don't do this. I feel cut off of not only from my friends,my family, the world at large, but my self, and my sense of self. Only two more days after this. 
Jessi came to see me. 


We hugged a lot (as you can see from the comments, she's a diligent blog-reader) and I wrote her a couple notes. She (like many people) expressed her amazement at the strength of my resolve. I smiled and nodded, and asked myself for the millionth time not how I've been able to do this (because honestly, that's easy, anyone could) but why. 
The funny thing is: later that night, I think I realized why.